Coordination and intelligence are two words that should strike fear into the heart of every new parent. It seems like children should be more like pets until they are ready to move out, or at the very least until they can speak. As 'the boy' gets smarter he is able to discern between the different pacifiers (I think we have three total.) Two he likes and two he doesn't, I guess we have four pacifiers. I adapted to this fine and simply hurled the ones he shows distain for into a large pit to be devoured by a massive creature over the next thousand years. The other two I keep close for use after feedings, I use them to see if he is really still hungry or just making the sucking motion.
I was okay when he got smart enough to discern between the different pacifiers, as stated earlier I merely had the offending devices drawn and quartered. I even got used to the fact that he eventually became able to detect that I was giving him a pacifier and not, in fact, a bottle. Coordination has decided to rear it's ugly head in the form of control over his hand and arm movements. Coordination apparently decided that it was probably no good for him to punch himself in the face and scratch his cheeks. Coordination didn't stop there, no coordination went too far, and coordination has to stopped!
Using intelligence and coordination the boy has been pulling out his pacifier almost immediately after insertion. That sounds dirty and I have no idea why. Anyway he has figured out that he can grab the little handle on the pacifier and pull in order to evacuate the device from his mouth. Mostly he does this because he knows how pissed off it makes me and he takes delight in my anger.
Fortunately I am smarter... sort of. I have now returned to a long forgotten methodology, practiced by the great tribes and peoples of yore. I have begun swaddling him paying special care to wrap his arms under the blanket, in doing so rendering him helpless. "Whatta' ya' think of that punk!" I can be heard shouting in my living room. My victory dances are the best.
Parenting - 1 : Nature - 0
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1 comment:
Future Emp (or Imp in this case),
Your blog further impresses me about my decision to never procreate. Sounds like 'the boy' has control of your sleep, your time, your emotions and since you already have expectations of him, you will be let down; therefore further control of your emotions. Any expectation we have on a human being, particularly our own offspring, is a set up for failure. For them and us. I have a simple expectation of my dog to pee and poop outside. Such a simple expectation and still I am let down on occasion. What happens when 'the boy' fails a test? Or is not interested in the same things you are? How will you deal with this. I hope it won't be in the same way you keep him from the pacifier.
However, when he does grow up and he looks like you, acts like you and makes you very proud. You will know why he controls you like he does and has for many years. I won't get that same warm fuzzy when the dog actually does pee and poop outside.
Shalom,
Anut
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